Easter in the Year of O 12
by Miznomer
Summary: What else happens during Easter. Sadly, nobody got to hide any eggs this year and Deadpool hasn't blown anything up. The X-Men get Easter treats at the nearby supermarket! Shopping cart games. The importance of financial management and the buddy system.


**AN: I seem to be around FF the most on Easter. Weird. Ugh. I was going to do one for all the major seasons each year but other works got in the way and to be honest, I wasn't sure how I felt about continuing to write.**

* * *

"But I don't understand why we're not having a proper Easter egg hunt!" Pyro exclaimed sighing.

Northstar took a deep breath to say: "Pyro, I swear. If you whine about this one more time. I will hit you. I will hit you hard. As sure as I know the full lyrics to the soundtrack of Mamma Mia, I will hit you so hard that you will actually go back in time and collide into yourself before you made the stupid mistake of whining. Then, we're going to get Sunfire to take up your position." Sunfire had come over to stay for the holiday and dragging his name into the fight made Sunfire uncomfortable, but he decided to keep quiet since he was the guest. He turned his mind back to more important things, such as whether he wanted lemony marshmallows or strawberry.

Fortunately, the threat of replacement didn't bother Pyro in the slightest. Northstar had left a door wide open for taunting. "Wow. Mamma Mia? Seriously? Way to avoid stereotypes there, Northy."

"Don't call me Northy!"

Gambit decided to step in before things got out of hand. "Mes amis, shall we not fight in the middle of the street? We do not want to cause a scene."

This was quickly supported by the others, nobody wanted to be arrested during the holidays. Certainly nobody wanted to be arrested before they got their Easter candy.

Deadpool, on the other hand decided to approach the issue in a less tactful manner. "Seriously Pyro, if even ol' Northy…(said person flashed him a death glare)…star is not having a problem with this, I don't see why you are. And that's really saying something. Because he's like the BIGGEST snob ever."

"Thanks…" Northstar's reply through gritted teeth wasn't so much a sarcastic comment as it was a hissing death threat. Not that Deadpool was capable of recognizing a death threat until it actually became tangibly obvious. Even then, sometimes he still didn't get "it". One should not make the mistake of equating getting "hit" with getting "it" when dealing with Deadpool. It's not uncommon that he still tries to arrange for another play date with somebody who just knifed him in the skull.

* * *

It's hard. The group not only had to fight with angry narrow-minded human mobs, mutant super villains, alien invasions, supernatural attacks, inter-dimension entities of evil, natural disasters and just about any variation of worldwide apocalypse or enslavement…they also had to fight a shrinking budget.

After few visits to an accredited expert financial consultant (which, by the way was income tax deductible), it was made painfully clear to them that they had to start cutting costs immediately or drastic steps would have to be taken. One of the suggestions that was made included buying Easter candy a few days after Easter when they would be on sale. Even though Northstar was a snob, he wasn't stupid. Candy on sale was the obvious choice when compared to having the water or electricity cut off. In fact, he rationalized it as a savvy strategy of a truly experienced shopper to make use of seasonal sales. So here they were, walking to the supermarket to buy the candy on sale before it sold out.

Nevertheless, Pyro was upset that they weren't haven't celebrations on the right time. "It's like if you were to hold Thanksgiving on a day other than the fourth Thursday of November. It's weird, it doesn't make sense, and there's no magic in having it on any other day."

Everybody but Pyro stopped walking to look at Northstar. Pyro was oblivious to what happened around him and kept walking and would probably have continued to do so if it weren't for Colossus catching hold of him by the shoulder and pointing towards the Canadian.

Pyro was sheepish. "Oh…oooops. Hehe…my bad. But like…If you celebrated it on a different day than you were used to, it's not the same?"

Seeing as this elicited no response from the Canadian, Pyro tried again. "It's like if you were to hold a New Year's Eve on a day other than 31st Decemeber. It's weird, it doesn't make sense, and there's no magic in having it on any other day."

Northstar slapped an open palm onto his forehead.

Sunfire almost cleared his throat, but didn't need to because everybody else's attention was already upon him and they were simply waiting for Pyro to realize it.

When he finally did, he was sheepish. "Ooooooops. But like, yea. Y'know? If you celebrated the Lunar New Year's Eve on a different day that you were supposed to, it's not the same? "

Sunfire nodded politely while he considered if he should get some kind of chocolaty marshmallows.

* * *

When they arrived at the store, they arranged themselves neatly in a line from shortest to tallest, like they practiced at the home base several times over the past week. Gambit had been chosen as the monitor and he even had a spiffy golden star sheriff badge to go with the title. "Gar ici! When I call your name out, raise your hand. Then I will give you all cards to buy candy with, each a one." He walked down the line handing out the plastic cards, ignoring Pyro and Bobby when they pretended to switch names.

The cards had individual barcodes that allowed each of them to spend a fixed amount on the candy which they personally preferred. This saved the trouble of fighting over how much of the candy budget should be spent on one particular candy over the other. He saved the one that was meant for Deadpool last. It had a lanyard attached to it. This was mainly to avoid Deadpool losing his card but there was also a security tab installed in it so that it would alert Gambit if Deadpool left the store.

Satisfied that everything was sorted out for now, Gambit nodded to himself for a job well done. "One last quick run through of the rules. The cashiers have been instructed not to let you spend any more than is already on your cards. Don't try to bribe, intimidate, seduce or take action for or against them in any way that will directly or indirectly lead to the gaining of more candy. If you are torn between two particular kinds of candy and don't have enough left to buy both, you can consider going halvsies with somebody else. If you do decide to share, make sure you are fair and honor your promise. We will be meeting at 6, forming a neat line exactly like we practiced. Comprendre? Allons!"

The gang cheered and raced off to get their candy. Northstar and Gambit decided to spend their money more wisely by browsing through the store and finding which candy had the best deals. Sunfire made a beeline to the aisle which stocked the marshmallows and was surprised to see that Deadpool was already there.

Deadpool noticed that somebody was standing nearby him and gave a little wave when he turned around to find that it was Sunfire. "I've already divided my budget up for different candy types, but I can't decide between the chocolate-coated marshmallows and the lemon-swirled ones. I suppose I could get both, I'll just include chocolate-coated as part of my chocolate budget."

Sunfire decided that this could be a win-win situation for the both of them. "Why not get both? I'll split with you. I couldn't decide between the two of them either, but I also really want the strawberry ones."

"OOOOOOHHH…I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT….I LOVE TH….wait. When you say the strawberry ones, do you mean the ones with strawberry chunks or the ones with strawberry jam?"

"Strawberry chunks. Why? Do you like the ones with strawberry jam?" asked Sunfire just a tinge worriedly.

"Not really. I mean strawberry jam is a breakfast food. Don't put breakfast food in my candy. Or the other way around. It's like making scrambled eggs with in them marshmallows."

Sunfire paused to shudder at this disturbing thought.

Deadpool pumped his fist in excitement. "So it's settled. We'll share a chocolate-coated, a lemon-swirled AND a strawberry chunk!"

"Chicks, bunnies or pillows?"

"I call lemon chicks!"

"I say strawberry chicks too!"

"Chocolate bunnies?"

"Deal!"

"On to the other candies!"

* * *

When they got to the aisle for chocolate, they saw Colossus. It was made abundantly clear by the contents of his shopping cart that he wasn't going to be visiting the other aisles. He had spent everything on various brands of chocolate-filled Easter eggs and a surprising number of chocolate wafers. It looked like he was done but he was still tweaking his final choices to make the most of his budget.

They exchanged greetings and started to look through the choices when Gambit came into the aisle as well. He smiled winningly at them before asking: "Mes amis, have you seen Pyro?"

All three of them shook their heads.

"If you see the possede buying fireworks, let me know. He knows he's not allowed to. Now, where are those peanut butter eggs?"

As Colossus assisted Gambit in locating the elusive peanut butter eggs, Deadpool tried his best to be helpful because he wanted some too. However, Sunfire excused himself so he could ask the cashier where the milk chews were.

* * *

At the counter, the cashier told him where to find what he was looking for near the freezer section. Sunfire thanked the helpful man before setting off and realized that two counters down, Pyro lining up to pay for his purchases. He hurried over. "Gambit said to let you know you can't buy any fireworks."

Pyro groaned. "Awww maaan…after I spent so much time picking them out?"

Sunfire shrugged.

"Oh well…I might as well double up on the candy then." Seeing Bobby and Northstar pushing their carts together nearby, he called them to come over.

What did you guys get?" He rifled through Bobby's cart. "Fudge eggs? Score! Mint crème eggs? Ok, I guess. Grape marshmallows? Cool. Peppermints? That's not Easter candy!"

Northstar smirked. "That's what I told him. By the way, Gambit said no fireworks for you."

Pyro nodded forlornly. "Yea, I heard. What about you, what did you get?"

Now it was Bobby's turn to smirk. "Granola bars with all-organic fruit. No sugar or artificial sweeteners. It's sweetened with stevia.

Northstar shrugged. "It still counts. At least it was on sale, unlike Bobby's peppermints. I bought other candy too."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "80% dark chocolate is hardly candy. It's barely chocolate, but definitely not candy."

"Candy or not, at least mine won't rot my teeth and kill me." Northstar retorted.

Pyro interrupted them. "If you don't mind, I'm gonna need to borrow Bobby for his advice on what should I spend the rest of my money on."

Northstar scratched an ear. "If you'd like, but he's not really much help."

Sunfire took advantage of the lull in the conversation to walk off after a polite nod in their general direction so that he could get his milk chews without seeming rude.

* * *

It was time to go. Time flies when you're having fun. And he must have had a lot of fun. He didn't realize how much time he spent looking at candy alone, he had just paid for his purchases when he realized he was right on time.

Colossus looked nervously at his watch. It had been slightly faulty for a few days now but he forgot to readjust it earlier. None of the others were anywhere in sight. He tried to reassure himself that they were going to show up a bit late but he couldn't get over the fear that his watch was actually running behind and they had already left without him.

He decided to that there was no point worrying about anything, he would go over to the magazine section, where he could keep an eye on their rendezvous point, and just flip through a few while waiting to see if the others would turn up.

* * *

After Colossus found out that he shouldn't wear red the coming Friday, the top six secrets for sexy abs, the eight secrets that every housewife should know, the new looks for this season's spring, and 12 easy ways to incorporate avocadoes in your diet, still nobody else had turned up yet.

Colossus sighed and put down "Four surprising uses for baking soda". He decided he might as well take a quick look through the store to see if any of them were still around, so he left his bags with the very nice young man at the customer service counter and set off.

* * *

He found Pyro sitting on the floor at a quiet corner of the supermarket, he was in the middle of switching the packaging for cherry bombs with cherry chocolates.

"An interesting system." Colossus commented.

"Thanks! It helps me remember, otherwise…" Pyro stopped and had the decency to look embarrassed. "Err…the total price of these fireworks would be the same as the candy I was gonna pay for?"

"Nice try. But you know as well as I do that I have a duty to report you."

Pyro grinned. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

"How about I do not say anything about this if you promise to put everything back? I'll even help you tape up the boxes."

Pyro stretched his back. "To be honest, I'd probably try to deceive you."

"Fair enough. Have you seen the others?"

"I saw Bobby at the fresh foods section earlier."

"Thank you. And good luck on your venture. If you must do it, please make sure you pay the selling price."

Pyro nodded and waved a goodbye before focusing his attention on exchanging some Roman candles with a box of jumbo sized marshmallow twists.

* * *

Northstar was talking to one of the shelf stockers by the canned foods aisle. Colossus hurried towards him. "Weren't we supposed to meet up?"

Northstar narrowed his eyes at Colossus. Then he turned to face the shelf stocker with an exaggerated smile. "Jeremy, meet Piotr, my housemate. He is just a friend. When he says meet up, he means as friends. With friends."

Colossus was a bit confused with what was going on. "Err…Pyro is sneakily buying fireworks." He ventured, hoping to catch Northstar's attention.

"Well, fireworks are a very hot commodity during the holidays." Jeremy quipped.

Colossus groaned and expected Northstar to have something cutting to say about bad puns, but instead Northstar burst out laughing, a little too hard. As in so hard that he had to grab on to Jeremy's arm for support. Miraculously recovering from his laughing fit in record time, Northstar was telling Jeremy that :"You are soooo funny."

Colossus rolled his eyes, and realizing that Northstar's attentions were elsewhere, excused himself and left. It was unlikely that they noticed though because Jeremy had just directed the topic of conversation to whether Northstar was ticklish.

* * *

Colossus saw a familiar looking pair of shoes sticking out from the end of the row. He realized why they looked so familiar: 'Those shoes are the ones Gambit was wearing!'

He raced towards the shoes. "Gambit! Gambit! Gamb-…"

He stopped. Deadpool was sitting in a shopping cart that was being pushed by Bobby at top speed down a clear stretch of the aisle. "Where were all of you? What are you doing here? Weren't we supposed to meet up?"

Bobby yelled as they sped past. "Hey! No time to talk! We're breaking the record for fastest-shopping-cart-with-a-person-inside!"

"I'm telling Gambit!" Colossus watched them approach the corner and expected the worst, but Bobby expertly used his shoes to break and drifted the sharp corner. Suddenly, he heard someone call his name. He turned around, it was Gambit sitting in a shopping cart, being pushed by Sunfire. The two of them looked very sheepish.

Colossus looked at them questioningly. "What are you doing? And where were you?"

Gambit stared back innocently. "I'm only doing what I should. Preserving my title as the world's fastest-shopping-cart-with-a-person inside. We took a break so that Sunny and I could track you down to see if you wanted to play."

Colossus was getting very confused, everybody seemed to have forgotten that it was time to go home. "Shouldn't we have left a while ago?"

Gambit checked his watch and scratched his chin. "It's just about 5 now, we still got at least an hour."

Colossus gaped. "But…but…it was 6 since just now…"

Gambit pulled Colossus's watch arm over to take a look. "Nope, your watch is the same as mine, homme."

Colossus was thoroughly flummoxed. "I don't understand how this happened."

"Maybe you went through some kind of time warp?" Sunfire offered.

Gambit was still studying Colossus's watch. "I think I know what happened, mon ami. You set an alarm to go off at 6, you were probably in a rush earlier and mistook the alarm hand for hour hand." He looked at Colossus. Colossus looked quite shaken but what had happened.

Colossus nodded slowly. "That's actually possible. It's happened a few times before."

Sunfire beamed at Colossus. "You know what would cheer you up? A round of fastest-shopping-cart-with-a-person-inside."

Gambit agreed and jumped out from his seat. "I'll even push you. My butt hurts from sitting so long. We'll do a practice round, then we're gonna defeat the opposing team to show them not to mess with us."

Colossus laughed as he climbed into the cart. "I feel I should tell you before we start, Pyro is trying to buy fireworks by hiding them in candy boxes."  
Gambit waved nonchalantly. "I already told the store that he would try to pull something like that. They're gonna switch his bags when he's not looking. Now, LET'S GO!"

* * *

At the end of that day, Colossus won second place for being person-inside-fastest-shopping-cart-with-a-person-inside when Deadpool pushed him. Colosus also won first place for being the fastest-shopping-cart-with-a-person-inside-pusher, with Gambit inside. So, Gambit managed to keep his honor and the sash which came with being first place.

A new sport was also invented on that day. Shopping-cart-bull-fighting.

They all had such a good time that they unanimously agreed to go home later. Everybody had a great day out and got the treats they wanted at discounted prices. Well, except for Pyro, Jeremy thought it would be funny to to replace all of Pyro's purchases with the equivalent of stevia-sweetened granola bars.

End

* * *

Authors note: Fireworks are dangerous. Handle with caution.

Bad puns are dangerous too.

Do not attempt to switch the packaging of anything in store, especially not fireworks. Consequences will prove dire.

Shopping-cart-bull-fighting and fastest-shopping-cart-with-a-person-inside are highly competitive sports that require proper training and should never be attempted without the supervision of a highly experienced and board accredited professional. It is also very likely that these sports might be copyrighted, trademarked or even patented. Consult a lawyer before attempting to make profit from it or demonstrate it in a public space.

Too much sugar or candy will kill you eventually. Moderation is key. Consider having stevia-sweetened granola bars once in a while.

If flirting with strangers, keep in mind that there is a very real chance that they are axe murderers with day jobs.

Mamma Mia is not stereotype fodder, it's open to being enjoyable for the whole family.

X-men does not belong to me but the story does.


End file.
